Saturday, February 11, 2012
HEY, BE YOURSELF
Interesting story i thought i must share with you, especially those of you who care so much about public opinion.
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS this was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next
day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
So be yourself, and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS this was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next
day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
So be yourself, and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A MAN HAS GOT TO LOVE HIS JOB
Hello friends, Hope you are all fine,
This is how job seeking can be fun, read on and enjoy this story
This is how job seeking can be fun, read on and enjoy this story
Very interesting story for you.
A man was looking for a job, he noticed there was an opening at the local zoo.Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual
position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had died,
and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days.
He was told his job was just to sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would ever know, thanks to a very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.
They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back
of the cage and pretended to sleep. But after a while,
he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The people watching him seemed to really like that, when he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the man loved peanuts.
One day when he was playing out his gorilla tactics by climbing high on a tree, he suddenly fell into a cage that housed a lion, this cage was just next door. He panicked. There was a huge lion, so huge and scary,A man was looking for a job, he noticed there was an opening at the local zoo.Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual
position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had died,
and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days.
He was told his job was just to sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would ever know, thanks to a very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.
They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back
of the cage and pretended to sleep. But after a while,
he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The people watching him seemed to really like that, when he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the man loved peanuts.
it looked very hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit grew restless started screaming and yelling,"Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a man in a gorilla suit! Some body HEEELP!"
The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said,
"Will you be quiet! You're going to get both of us fired....... this is a true story by the way
GREETINGS FROM SEMPALA TIMOTHY,(S.B.)
NEVER GIVE UP .... SAYS GOD
This is a very inspiring story from a man who got a revelation about life, I hope by the time you are done with it, you will be encouraged, this is what he had to write
“One day I decided to quit... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
“One day I decided to quit... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?" "Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light, I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed."God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?" "Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light, I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others." He said.
"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me.
"You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
A GIRL'S FIRST TIME
(Assume you are a girl if you are a Boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back, your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a
chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled out.......
Naughty... What were you thinking? ...YOU PERVERT!!! don't even think of criticizing me coz your mind is so perverted.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Who cares for stray dogs?
MY attention has been drawn to your story of Thursday entitled “Court acquits woman of dog abuse”. i did not know of the existence of animal rights groups in Uganda until I read this story and I kept wondering why the Uganda Society for the Protection and Care of Animals has been silent about the rights of the many stray dogs in and around Kampala.
Why pay so much attention about the rights of the “white hairy maltese dog” whose protection is almost guaranteed since some body cares for it and pay no attention to the plight of the ordinary stray dogs whose rights to protection and accommodation are constantly denied?
I believe justice should be done for all, including the many other animals that are daily mistreated in the country.
Timothy Sempala
tsempa@yahoo.co.uk
This article was published in the Newvision of November 7th, 2009
Why pay so much attention about the rights of the “white hairy maltese dog” whose protection is almost guaranteed since some body cares for it and pay no attention to the plight of the ordinary stray dogs whose rights to protection and accommodation are constantly denied?
I believe justice should be done for all, including the many other animals that are daily mistreated in the country.
Timothy Sempala
tsempa@yahoo.co.uk
This article was published in the Newvision of November 7th, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
A MEMORABLE SPEECH BY IDI AMIN DADA
After a luncheon hosted by the Queen in London in his honour, the former Ugandan leader Idi Amin Dada had this to say for his vote of thanks. "My majesty Mr. Queen Sir, horrible ministers and members of parliament, invented Guests, ladies under gentlemen. I hereby thank you completely…..Mr. Queen, sir; and also what he has done for me and my fellow Uganda who come with me.
We have really eaten very much. And we are fed up completely: And also very thanks to you keenly open up from all windows: so that those plenty climates can come into lunch. But before I go back to my country with a plane from the Entebbe airport of London I wish to invitation you Mr. Queen, to become home to Uganda so that we can also revenge on you .
You will eat a full cow: and also feel up your stomach and walk with difficult because of full stomach completely. Even when you want to rest at night; I will make sure that you sleep on top of me in the top up stairs of my mansion completely so that you can enjoy all the gravity of fresh air.
"But now am sorry because I have to tell you that I have made a short call on you only. But next time I shall make a long call on you to last the whole moon completely. Thank you very much to allow me to undress you completely before these extinguished ladies under gentlemen sir.
Lastly but not list, I ask the band to play our international anthem of the republic of Uganda and also the British international anthem..Your majesty sir, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and from the bottoms of all the people of Uganda .
With this few words I thank you Sir
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Mrs Museveni is already a good politician!
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SIR — Reading her interview with the New vision of December 2, I saw a real good politician in Mrs Janet Museveni.
I wondered what took her so long to make up her mind. Perhaps the only new thing about her is that while other politicians use phrases like “the people have asked me to…”, it is God who “has commandedher”.
This is fine with me although I still wonder why politicians prefer using others as reason for them to stand. It will be interesting to hear her use words like “thus saith the lord…” in parliament.
My prediction is that come 2013 when Mr. Museveni finally retires from active politics, assuming he does, with her new-found experience, Janet might be asked to liberate or preserve what has been achieved and we all know she won’t disobey God.
Timothy Sempala
Kampala
This article appeared in the Newvision of Thursday, 8th December, 2005
SIR — Reading her interview with the New vision of December 2, I saw a real good politician in Mrs Janet Museveni.
I wondered what took her so long to make up her mind. Perhaps the only new thing about her is that while other politicians use phrases like “the people have asked me to…”, it is God who “has commandedher”.
This is fine with me although I still wonder why politicians prefer using others as reason for them to stand. It will be interesting to hear her use words like “thus saith the lord…” in parliament.
My prediction is that come 2013 when Mr. Museveni finally retires from active politics, assuming he does, with her new-found experience, Janet might be asked to liberate or preserve what has been achieved and we all know she won’t disobey God.
Timothy Sempala
Kampala
This article appeared in the Newvision of Thursday, 8th December, 2005
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